American Spending Habits

When the holidays come around, we spend more time with our families and friends. We talk about what has been going on recently in our lives and what dreams and goals we have for the future. Being an American, one thing I notice that Americans talk a lot about is things that they just bought or things that they want to buy in the near future.

Just spend some time with an American family and you will hear talks about topics such as cars, houses (and improvements made on houses), electronics (such as cameras, camcorders, computers, TVs, etc..), and investments (retirement funds, stocks, real estate).

Americans, in general, like to talk about how much money they saved when they bought something or about the features and benefits of something they just bought. So, if someone bought a new car, for example, he or she would tell you all the features of the car, including what engine size and warranty it has. Another example is the TV - maybe it has TiVo, or it's an LCD or the sound quality is great.

Whenever a new item is available on the market, someone buys it and wants to tell you about it. Take XM satellite radio, for example. If one of your friends bought it and is American, chances are, he or she will be excited to tell you all about all the channels it has and how the reception is great. Americans also like to ask if you have a new car or a new house or if you have made any improvements on your house. It is considered a good topic for small talk.

When they are done talking about things they bought, Americans then like to discuss things that they want to buy in the future. And, believe me, it is a temptation to spend money, because there are so many new items and bigger and nicer things to buy. You see advertisements on TVs all the time, reminding you that you should have something new. If you are trying to save some money, it's best that you stay away from stores all together. I say this because if you go to a store and see that there is a discount or a sale for something, you will buy it for sure, even if you don't need it. You will think, "Wow, this is a good deal. I should get it."

One last note I'd like to add is that the quality of certain items is not as good as it was in years past, however prices are not necessarily much lower. Take TVs, for example. If you want a fairly large TV, but not a wide screen one, you will pay over $300. This new TV will probably last between 10 and 15 years. However, 30 years ago, a TV was made to last longer, maybe 20 to 25 years. What happens is that manufacturers know that consumers want to change out their TVs for a newer one, so they are constantly updating TVs to be bigger and have more functions. And for all this, the price goes higher and higher. But, chances are, these new models of TVs won't last long.

Well, I said I was done, but I'd like to touch on one related topic - DEBT. Americans own and use several credit cards and easily accumulate charges that become hard to pay. In addition, they buy bigger and bigger houses and cars that cost increasingly more. It has become commonplace, therefore, for Americans to accumulate debt. And when it comes time to pay one debt (for example, credit card charges), if you don't have the money, you borrow it from somewhere else, say a home equity line of credit. Pretty soon, it becomes normal to have a lot of debt and to live the lifestyle of never being able to pay everything you owe. Some Americans don't worry about debt and continue to accumulate it because they are used to the comforts and conveniences. They don't want to have a budget or get rid of their cable or extra services. So, they become complacent about money. It becomes something that has to be spent but is never fully repaid. It is a dangerous game with a high price in the end.

The solution: I think Americans would do well to downsize a little when it comes to house, cars, and electronics.

Top 10 Ways to Build Successful Business Relationships with Americans

1. Keep lines of communication open. Let your American colleagues, business partners, and customers know that if they have any questions, concerns or suggestions, you welcome them to contact you. Once in while make contact yourself. Call or email “just to say hello” or to “see how you are doing”.

2. Be proactive and assertive. Your ideas are important and deserve to be heard. But if no one asks your opinion, you might never share it. Instead of waiting to be asked, speak up. It’s okay. In the US business environment, it’s better to be proactive than reactive, and assertive rather than passive. Americans respect people who honestly, clearly and directly express their ideas. It is okay to express what you want without being too aggressive. If you don’t express your “good ideas” or “intelligent opinions” people might wrongly assume that you don’t have any.

3. Verbally express your abilities and skills. If there is a project you can contribute to, state confidently what you can do. Don’t worry about appearing obnoxious because you won’t. You will appear confident and others will like it. Volunteering your skills for a work project is highly respected behavior in American culture. It shows you want to be trusted to achieve results.

4. Expand your values but don’t compromise important ones. If you live according to certain religious, family, educational values or others, and they are very important to your happiness, don’t eliminate them when around Americans. Instead, find ways to adjust your values within the American environment. Also, if you like some American ways and values, it’s okay to add them to your life as long as they don’t conflict with your current lifestyle.

5. Share your cultural ways. Educate Americans about your customs whenever you have the opportunity. Explain why you use certain gestures, eat certain foods, wear special clothing, or practice important traditions. Sharing your culture with Americans will help them understand you and get to know you better.

6. Find a way to connect on a personal level. When speaking with or writing to American colleagues, customers, or business partners, ask small talk questions. Ask how their family is doing and if they are enjoying any hobbies. It’s okay to ask such questions. When you are having a conversation with Americans, pay attention to the kinds of things they talk about: home improvements, sports, shopping, local news. Take an interest in their personal lives and they will do the same.

7. Get to know the people behind the scenes. There are always people working alongside the people you do business with who help get the job done. They could be sales people, secretaries, warehouse workers, or others. Whenever you visit them in the US, or when they come to visit, ask how things are going. At least make an effort to ask about their families. If they have pictures with them, ask to see them. Americans appreciate this kind of small talk because it makes them feel a part of the company. They will also appreciate your personal good news and pictures and the occasional greeting card. It’s even okay to include a picture of your pet!

8. Spell things out. Don’t assume everything in a conversation or email was completely understood the first time it was discussed. Rephrase and add all the details that are involved in the current project. The English language is a literal language. Nouns must be described by adjectives to give them more meaning. And don’t forget to copy emails to everyone who has an important role in the project. Make sure to clarify and confirm all decisions each step of the way.

9. Acknowledge agreement and disagreement in conversations. Everyone has motives when they communicate. These are goals that each person needs to accomplish to move things along on a project or sale. Talking to other people helps move closer to those goals. Pay attention to the person you are talking or writing to. Is he or she trying to get your approval, your opinion or your agreement? When you are in a conversation, besides expressing your opinion, consider the other person’s viewpoint and when you agree, express it. When you don’t agree, express that as well. Being honest about how you feel will gain you much respect from Americans.

10. Be sensitive about time. Americans often schedule more than one meeting per day and often have busy schedules. For Americans, a lunch meeting usually lasts no more than two hours and a dinner meeting, no more than three. If you feel that the others are preoccupied about the time, ask, “How are you doing on time? Do you need to get going soon?”

The Importance of Intercultural Skills

Because of the Internet, the business world has become smaller. With the Internet we can narrow our business field and find the core group of people we will do business with. With the simplicity of a click we cross national and cultural boundaries and find ourselves in new worlds. As fast as technology can send our messages, that’s how fast we can build our business networks. Our networks are not made of email addresses, but of people, of relationships. As good business people, we need to ensure the success of these relationships.

First, what is a relationship? According to Webster’s dictionary, it’s a state of connectedness between people. The way two people make this connection is through understanding—understanding what the other person likes, the way he or she thinks, behaves, and believes. Through mutual understanding a common ground can be reached.

In intercultural relationships, where the two people are from different countries and cultures, both people need to make a conscious effort to learn potentially unfamiliar ways of thinking, values and preferences. However, making this effort pays off in the long run, especially in the complicated business world. Knowing someone well and trusting in his words and actions makes it easier to do business with him.

Professionals worldwide need intercultural communication skills to bridge the gap of differences and turn them into advantages. An intercultural skill such as the ability to pinpoint culturally specific values that influence a person’s thinking and decision-making process is a valuable tool in an intercultural business relationship. If, for example, an American business woman knows that her Japanese colleague in Tokyo values the approval of superiors every step of the decision-making process, she will give her Japanese colleague extra time to process new information and report results within the Tokyo branch. Her Japanese colleague will appreciate her American colleague’s respect of Japanese ways of doing business and a bond of trust and ‘connectedness’ will form between them.

The same skill set works when foreign professionals enter the US business arena. Their ability to understand and apply Americans values such as autonomy, pro-activity, and risk-taking will give them an advantage when adjusting to the competitive American workplace. They will need help to digest and implement very different cultural concepts that Americans have grown up with, but that are new to foreigners. A professional trainer is just the person to help make the big leaps in learning in a relatively short time. The American Culture Coach Program is one such training program that gives foreign professionals the skills they need via a private coaching format. Professionals have access to online lessons and an appointment calendar to schedule weekly or bi-weekly internet coaching sessions with their American Culture Coach at their convenience. And with more US companies hiring increasing numbers of foreigners, they would do well to promote successful business relationships by offering a type of training that is geared specifically to this.

Contemporary American Dating

I've had several foreigners in the US ask me about male-female relationships and how to understand their complexities. So, I've decided to write a little bit about this topic.

First of all, because of the American values of independence, self-reliance, and equality, foreigners in the US who have male-female relationships need to consider several dimensions.

Friendship. In general, American men and women can become good friends without having a romantic relationship. They get to know each other like any other friends do, by sharing meals, going to movies, doing hobbies, etc. Men and women think of each other as individuals first and 'potential romantic partners' second. In the beginning, when men and women are getting to know each other, they determine whether their relationship will remain as a friendship or will further develop into a romantic relationship. If both want to be friends only, they can develop a long-term friendship.

Socializing. When new people meet, they may like each other, either as friends or as more. In this case, both American men and women might take the initiative and invite a new 'friend' out. When a man or woman wants to be 'friends', he or she will typically invite the new person out to a group event with other friends. The invitation can go something like this: "Hi Jason. Some of my friends and I are going to see a comedy show this Saturday night. If you don't have any plans, why don't you join us? It'll be fun." The invitation is typically very informal, allowing the new friend to not feel pressured to say yes and showing that the person who is inviting is not romantically interested. Note: It is perfectly fine for women to invite men to group events in the US. Just because a woman does so, does not mean she is romantically interested in the man. The same holds true for men inviting women. Another thing to note when inviting new friends is that both men and women should make sure to say that there will be other people at the event. Then there won't be the confusion of the new friend thinking it is a date invitation. When a man and woman begin to develop their friendship and establish it, they may also go out individually and spend time together talking. If they eat out together, they typically pay for their own meals. Some American men, however, find it courteous to pay for their female friends' meals.

Dating. Dating is when a man and a woman go out together by themselves for the purpose of getting to know each other more. They go out on a 'date' to learn about each other and whether the other will make a good 'romantic partner'. When a man asks a woman out, he should be sure to say that it is a 'date' or they may be some confusion. If the man has a romantic interest in the woman but is not sure if she has the same interest, he may not say the word 'date' because he is not sure. But he should make it clear to the woman that they will be going out just the two of them, without other friends. Women can also invite men on dates. Although it happens less frequently, there still are plenty of women who feel comfortable asking men on dates. The same procedure for inviting holds true. In the traditional, formal style of dating, the man picks the woman up in his car, takes her to dinner and pays for the meal. The two of them might also go to a movie or some other casual event after dinner. Because of the American belief in equality, however, some women prefer to drive or meet their date, and some also pay for their half of the meal.

Blind dates. A blind date is when two people who have never met, go out on a date, either by themselves or with another couple. When they go out with another couple, it is called double dating. Typically, two people who meet for a blind date go separately to meet each other. They typically do not go together. They meet often times at a restaurant or a cafe' where they can talk. There is no obligation for two people to like each other in a romantic way as a result of the blind date. A man and a woman simply talk and get to know each other. If there is a mutual interest on both parts, then a second date is suggested, usually by the man, but also by the woman. The second date may be more traditional, where the man picks the woman up at her home and takes her out.

Work relationships. Men and women who work together are typically friendly and respectful towards each other. In these friendships, women tend to show their independence and equality more. If a man and women who are colleagues go out, it is usually for lunch during the work day. Then the woman sometimes picks the place to eat and typically pays for her own meal. If the man and woman travel for work, it is not assumed that they have a romantic relationship. They typically will have separate hotel rooms. A friendship between colleagues can also develop outside of work. Then the rules to general friendships and dating mentioned above apply.

American dating is a topic that can further be analyzed and written about. If you have any specific questions, feel free to ask. Good luck!

Sports Talk

How do I 'get the ball rolling'? What does it mean to 'go to bat for' someone? When someone wants me to 'touch base', what should I do?

Sports expressions can be very confusing to foreigners doing business with Americans because they are used so frequently as an informal way to communicate in the workplace.

Here are some other sports expressions used in business. Can you guess their meaning?

Our team had a morning huddle to discuss developments in our project.

Because our company just got bought out, we must implement a new operational system. It’s a whole new ball game for us.

I didn't give him specifics -- just the ballpark figures.

Now for the explanations:

To get the ball rolling means to initiate or take the first step to start some action. If you and your team have been discussing a new project, and now you are ready to start it, you will do so by taking some action. For example, you might assign duties to each member as a way of starting the work. When someone says "Let's get the ball rolling" he or she may have a sense of urgency and may want to begin as soon as possible. If the project has had a slow start, it may be time to speed up. This idiom can be applied to soccer, where a player takes the ball and starts moving it down the field.

To go to bat for someone means to positively support someone's ideas. If you choose to go to bat for a friend or a colleague, your intention is to help him or her. You might speak to another person and defend your colleague's point of view, for example. This idiom comes from baseball and in baseball it means to get ready to hit the ball with the bat.

To touch base means to make contact. If , at the end of a meeting today someone says, "Let's touch bases next week" it means you should contact each other by email or phone at some point in time next week. It is a very informal phrase that doesn't indicate a specific time to talk again. It means you will have a brief discussion about today's work next week. This phrase comes also comes from baseball. In baseball, a base is the white square that the runner must touch before scoring. There are four of them.

A huddle is an short, informal meeting that is impromptu or not planned. It is a very informal process where a few people get together spontaneously to discuss and decide on something. A huddle in football is where all of the players on the field stand in a circle and lean over so that no one else can hear them discussing their next strategy.

A whole new ball game indicates a new situation that will provide new challenges and possibly a new system of doing things. This new situation may have different rules, factors to consider, or other changed variables. In baseball, a whole new ball game is a fresh new game, and it's the opportunity to start over and play better.

Ballpark figures are general financial numbers. Business people talk about numbers in general to indicate profit, expense, cost, and other business results. When someone gives ballpark figures, he or she doesn't know or doesn't want to reveal the exact numbers. Ballpark figures refer to the scores and averages of baseball games and players.

If you want to read a dialogue and learn more sports idioms, go to the English as a Second Language page on About.com. Here is the link: http://esl.about.com/library/weekly/aa111697.htm.

One thing to remember though, when using sports idioms, is that is it always best to clarify the idiom. If you say, "Let's touch base" you can also say "Let's make contact" or "Let's get in touch" afterward to simplify your words a little.

How to Ask Questions to Get the Best Results

Today's post is taken from the book Complete Handbook of Business English, by William Repp, pages 423 -425.

In this section, the author William Repp states that learning HOW to ask questions appropriately will help guarantee your success in controlling a meeting. He offers 11 useful tips:

1 Propose the Question. Before the meeting, write down the key questions that need to be answered. Alongside each, jot down the name of the person you think is best qualified to answer it.

2 Don't Bias Your Wording. Check the wording of the questions to see if you aren't hinting at the answer you want, or whether you're revealing your own prejudices or opinions. You don't want to lead someone to intentionally see things your way. For example, if you say, "Bob, you agree that the price is too much, don't you?," you will be influencing Bob to agree with you.

3 Avoid Difficult Questions. Sometimes, to save time, we ask 2 or 3 questions in one long question. This makes the question too complicated, and people will not be able to answer it easily. To avoid bogging down your meeting, don't ask complicated questions like the following:
"Should we consider pricing the key factor, or should packaging, advertising, and sales promotion costs be added to research and development costs for a total sales cost?" "How can we cut our labor costs-by decreasing tardiness, cutting employees, automating more, or should we think about new work methods?" Instead, ask just one portion of the question at a time.

4 Don't be Vague. Good questions are specific. Those that are too vague or general will be confusing and people are likely to misinterpret them and wast time trying to wonder what you are really asking. Here is an example of a question that is too broad: "What do you know about employee morale?" A better question would be: "What things break down employee morale?"

5 Avoid YES or NO Questions. Asking questions that allow a simple yes or no answer may make for a short meeting, but you won't accomplish much because you'll only skim the surface of the issue. Use how, what, why, who, when and where questions that will deliver more information.

6 Use a Conversational Style. By their nature, questions are threatening, so it's good to ask them in a normal, conversational tone. You may even want to practice asking the question aloud to see how it sounds, especially if the issue you're discussing is sensitive. A warm, friendly, supportive manner will go a long way in helping you get the results you want.

7 Pause. Don't spit out one question after another, and don't jump on one person right away for an answer. Give people enough time to think about the question. Then when they've had a reasonable amount of time, ask for the answer: "How do you think we can raise employee productivity?" (wait 3 -5 seconds) Now say, "Tom, what do you think? You're had some success in this area already."

8 Call on Someone. You'll get better results and maintain better control of your meeting if you call on someone directly, using his or her name. This has the added advantage of allowing you to give everyone a chance to talk and share ideas. You can easily direct your questions to the quieter people if necessary, and you can direct the discussion away from those who tend to dominate it.

9 Acknowledge the Answer. You'll keep the meeting going more smoothly if you acknowledge each answer. This lets each person know you appreciate the contribution and prepares the group for the next question. It also stimulates the other people to contribute more to the discussion. Here are some ways you can acknowledge the answer:
"Those are good observations, Mary. Thanks for the work you've done." "Good point, Bill. I think that's worth pursuing. Can anyone add to this?" "That's an important point we should keep in mind. Any other comments?"

10 Don't Let Someone Flounder. Who needs embarassment? Certainly not the folks at your meeting. So don't make people agonize when they obviously don't know the answer to a question, have come unprepared, or simply can't participate. Give them a face-saving break by moving on to someone else. Here are three good responses to help someone who's floundering.
"Jim, this question may have caught you off guard. We'll come back a little later." "Mary, right now may not be the best time for you to respond to this question. We'll come back later on." "John, maybe we don't have enough information for you to respond right now. Let's hear from someone else first. Jack?"

11 Don't repeat Questions. One good way to encourage people not to listen to you is to repeat every question more than once. As soon as people get the message that daydreaming is all right and that they don't have to pay close attention, they probably won't. Solution: Ask your questions just once. That way, people will learn to listen more carefully. You'll waste less time and the meeting will be less boring to everyone.

(1982, Prentice Hall, Inc. Englewood Cliffs, N.J.)

An Argument for Collaborative Problem Solving

The majority of American companies use strategic planning to decide on strategies for increasing profits. Teams of people are created and team members (who don't necessarily know each other) get together to draw up objectives and decide what strategies to employ to accomplish them.

According to the authors of Working with Americans: How to Build Profitable Business Relationships, Americans take seriously the role of making decisions, because the ability to make decisions is seen as a positive trait related to being self-reliant and independent. As these qualities are highly valued and respected, so it follows that planning is a vital part of any company.

The authors, Allyson Stewart-Allen and Lanie Denslow, claim that these decision making teams tend to function in favor of the strongest voice, and those who don't follow the lead are alienated. The analogy is made that these planning teams are much like sports teams who elect popular leaders who persuade others to believe their ideas. These team leaders are good at convincing others to support them and do a good job of motivating others on the team to take action.

When this style of planning and decision making is implemented, there is little room for real teamwork. Real teamwork puts aside egos and personal agendas in favor of the best approach. Team members approach decision making by first bringing up current problems. Once these are listed, members begin to brainstorm on ways to solve the issues. Ideas are built upon by each member in true collaborative fashion. When the planning is finally complete, all members are proud of the decisions and naturally feel motivated to take action to accomplish the plans.

Collaborative problem-solving also allows different viewpoints to be heard. When people focus on a specific problem to solve, they become passionate because the problem is realistic and tangible. On the other hand, in typical strategic planning meetings, where the goal is focused more on creating profit, people who have different ideas are seen as unsupportive of the team and unpopular. There exists a peer pressure to follow the majority.

In collaborative problem-solving teams, this peer pressure is lifted and team members are free to voice all possible outcomes and alternatives. The team is fueled by creativity not by judgement, which makes for a thriving environment for great solutions. Naturally, great solutions also, in the end, lead to greater profits.

Open Communication

When communicating with Americans, it's important to understand how their values influence their style of communication. In general, Americans value being honest and literal. They will tend to directly state what they want and how they feel. They encourage all people involved in the conversation to 'speak up'. Like the famous Nike motto says, "Just do it!" In general, Americans don't care to use more formal styles of gaining respect and trust first. The concept of 'losing face' doesn't go so deeply in American culture. This causes a very noticeable contrast with many other cultures, especially Asian cultures. Other cultures have a certain protocol for building trust and respect, and the honest part of communication comes once this bond has been created. Until this bond is not comfortably established, foreigners might hesitate to honestly express to Americans how they feel and what their intentions are. There is a level of comfort that foreigners need to have with others in order for them to open up and naturally express themselves.

Since Americans naturally reach this comfort level sooner, they don't see it as a big problem. However, if they are not made aware, they may never know that there is this discomfort for foreigners. Once they are made aware, they may say, "Oh, I had no idea! I'm sorry if you felt uncomfortable." If you are a foreigner working with Americans, what can you do to reach this comfort level?

First, you need to understand that it is not a weakness on your part. Through socialization and education in your culture, you have learned how to be a competent communicator in your native culture and language.

Next, let the Americans you work with know that there is a difference in communication styles between your cultures, documented in many research studies. Don't be afraid to say that it takes some time for you to get to know others. This is a wonderful quality to have! If you honestly say this, most Americans will respect your honesty and you will gain more trust with them. In addition, most Americans will respect you for having the courage to speak what's on your mind. American culture values 'freedom of speech' and independent thinking. You are definitely entitled to your own feelings.

There is no perfect moment to express your intentions or feelings. If the American you are speaking with is being open with you, you make ask a question such as, "Why do you feel that way?" Asking a question may help you introduce your own thoughts somewhere in the conversation. If you don't feel comfortable asking questions, become a very good listener. Comments such as "That's good. I understand. Good idea." show that you are appreciating the open communication style of the other person. This may lead to the American asking you for your thoughts on the topic. The moment might be right for you to share. If you feel that the only way for you to express your honest feelings is to 'just do it', then you might start with a sentence like, "I respect your opinions and ideas very much. I would like to discuss one of my ideas."

Remember, when you are learning to have more open communication with Americans, it is easier to start with private conversations with just one other person. Later, when you become more comfortable, you can learn to express yourself more easily in a group conversation.

Mistaken Friendship: A Foreigner's Confusion

In the range between acquaintance and best friend, there are many different levels of 'friend'. The closer we are to a person, the more we share with them. The more we share with them, the more we let them into our private life. Each culture has its own rules telling us how much we can share with people. It would make sense that if we share a lot about our family life, problems, activities, likes and dislikes, that we would feel a special friendship with another person.

Now consider this scenario:

A company team has been put together to work on a project that will last for 6 months. During this time, two people on the team, one American and one Indian, introduce themselves. During the six months, they sometimes go to dinner together after work, share hobbies and talk a lot. We can say that they 'become friends'. Well, after the project is finished, they don't talk as much and don't meet much for dinner either. They don't find the time to share hobbies anymore.

How the American interprets the situation: The American is not likely to have any bad feelings and most probably still considers the Indian to be a friend. The next time they have a chance to work on a project together, they will resume their friendship by going out to dinner again and sharing hobbies. How the Indian thinks: The Indian is likely to wonder if he or she and the American are still friends. Because they shared so much, they have gotten closer and become better friends. Are they still friends even now?

Explanation: Americans like to have friends of all kinds to share in different activities. They don't need to keep in touch so often to keep a friendship alive. Americans also like to share a lot about their personal life without becoming too private. They may share a lot with 'friends' and still not let them into their private lives. The truly private part of an American's life is shared with romantic partners, family, and a very few close, "best" friends.

This causes confusion for the foreigner who thinks, "I have shared a lot about my life, things that I consider to be private. I consider this person a close friend." The American thinks, "I typically share a lot with people I work on projects with; so we are friends, but not necessarily close friends."

What can the foreigner do in this situation? Foreigners need to accept that this is common behavior in American culture. However, not all Americans behave the same. There are some Americans who will continue a high involvement in the friendship and remain close friends even after the work project is finished. These are the friendships that the foreigner should continue to develop into close relationships. For those Americans who don't want to further develop their friendships, foreigners and Americans can still remain friends. Then it's up to the foreigner to decide how much of his or her private life to share. If you are a foreigner and you find yourself in this situation, takes some time to think about it. If you no longer feel comfortable sharing your private life, know that you CAN share less and still be friends.

Achieving a Balance: Control, Harmony and Humility

In his fascinating book, Coaching across Cultures: New Tools for Leveraging National, Corporate, and Professional Differences, Philippe Rosinski explains how to maintain a balance between control, harmony, and humility.

When you have a goal, during the process you follow to achieve the goal, you have the choice whether or not to maintain balance between the three elements mentioned above. First is control. Control is the ability you have to exert your energy to get things done. It has both a positive and negative side. The positive side is your proactive side: your ability to look for ways to improve the situation and make your results better. The negative side is your blindness to the other two elements, harmony and humility, and your insistence that your goal be accomplished even if it harms other people or the environment. Harmony is your ability to listen to your needs and the needs of others and make the best choices to meet those needs, even if it means altering some aspects of the end results of the goal. Humility is your acceptance of the natural limitations you have as a human being and your ability to learn to work with what you have. You learn to work within your current situation to make it the best it can be for accomplishing your goal.

Now, let's look at two scenarios which test our ability to maintain balance.

The first is a physical goal: It involves building a custom home for your family. You have decided to build your home in the countryside, far away from city pollution, noise and crime. Your blueprints for the home include building the house on top of a hill overlooking the city. However, when you meet with the architect, she reminds you of a zoning law which prohibits building in the spot you mentioned. In order to respect the harmony of the land, you must choose to build on a nearby location, so you decide to move the location of the house. Next, you show the architect your ideas for the house, which includes two swimming pools, one outdoors and one indoors. The architect then informs you that in addition to drinking water, the water you will need to supply for both pools will exceed the amount allowed by the city. If you go ahead and build both pools, you will need so much water that you will have to tap a well that is not on your property, but that belongs to another. So, in order to work with your natural limits and achieve harmony, you decide to build only one pool. Finally, your plan is to complete building within 4 months. However, because of several big storms which prohibit the workers from working every day, workers are estimating the completion of the project in 8 months. Using your control abilities, you decide to hire a second team of workers to help the first team. In this way, your project can be completed in 6 rather than 8 months. You have just learned to balance your humility, your natural limits, with control, your ability to make the situation better.

The second and final scenario involves the personal and professional goal of becoming a successful leader. In the process of achieving this goal, you must also balance control, harmony, and humility. First of all, you have control, the power to make big decisions regarding the resources and limits of your projects. You will want your best workers to work for you, and give you their best efforts. You will also want the best technology available as tools. Finally, you would like to complete your projects within a period of time that still allows you to remain competitive and satisfy customers' needs. You will often feel pressure to complete projects faster and to ask more of your workers. You will always want better and better tools. Now, the key to achieving the balance is priority. Every day, you have the power to look closely at the current progress and the situations you are in, and make the best choices available to you. You will definitely encounter obstacles along the way. You may find that your workers are spreading their energies too thin - working on several projects at a time and therefore, only able to work minimally on the projects that are a higher priority. You can either remove some of them from one or two projects, make a high priority for one particular project and have them work intensively on it, or bring in others to collaborate. Your natural limitations of humility will tell you what is possible. You must also maintain the harmony of your workers, by not overworking them to the point of exhausting them. Maybe a new tool is within your budget that may help increase efficiency. If there is a solution that can benefit everyone involved and it is within your budget and other limits, do it. If not, use humility to accept what you cannot change.

Interdependence versus Independence

In an excerpt from Gary Althen's book American Ways: A Guide for Foreigners in the US (p.40) , it states: "People from some cultures are looking for close, interdependent relationships. They value commitment to other people, and they want friendships in which there are virtually no limits to what the friends will do for each other. Americans cause immense frustration for foreigners by their apparent inability to become closely involved with other people in the way foreigners want and expect them to. Americans just don't know how to be friends, many people from other countries say. You never feel that you are free to call on them at any time or that they will help you no matter what." "Americans often seem to fear close involvement with other people. They will avoid becoming dependent on others, and they don't want others, with the possible exception of immediate family members, to be dependent on them" (p.41)

When I read these passages, I said to myself, "Maria, this is you." It might sound bad to admit that I am like the Americans above, but let me explain myself. First of all, I do have sympathy for foreigners here in the US. Having taught English as a Second Language for 10 years to foreign adults in Arizona, I have gotten to know many of my students, and many have become friends. I understand foreigners' dilemmas with American friendships. I have seen their frustration as they try to come closer to Americans, while the Americans pull farther away.

In a personal story I'd like to share, I became friends with one of my former students from the college where I was teaching. This student was trying to start a new life for herself. She was learning to live on her own and needed help with her computer, her car, starting her business, etc. She called almost every day with questions, requests for translations and advice. In the beginning, I did my best to help her every time, but after a while, I starting suggesting things she could do herself to get the information she needed. I wanted her to learn for herself. I felt that even though it was hard to become independent, it would be better for her later on. Now, she can get directions herself, find information on the Internet, call companies to ask about products and services, and many other things. I am proud of my friend and her accomplishments. And she is proud of herself because she knows how to make her life more enriched and fulfilled .

The way I see it, building your life is like making a cake. The way Americans do it is to first add the ingredients that are necessary, such as job, home, school, and then they add hobbies. Finally, Americans add 'friends', people to share in those activities. It's very 'doing' oriented living. Many foreigners, on the other hand, start their cake with the necessities, then add 'friends' and then build in hobbies and activities with these new friends. Neither way is right or wrong, just different.

Being independent can be seen as a positive thing. It allows you to do a variety of things with many different people. You meet a lot of people and learn more skills and hobbies. You can directly improve the quality of your life . However, it's a trade-off because this means you will have less time with each person. But the time you do have with each friend will become more valuable.

The Power of Choice


I recently read a blog entry from Arun Kottolli
(http://arunkottolli.blogspot.com/2006/07/soft-skills-for-global-managers.html) about the failed expatriate assignment of one Indian family in America. Here is the story:

T. Subramanian Iyer, a highly successful sales manager from Chennai in India was asked by his company - Prestige products to work as regional sales director in San Antonio, Texas. Prestige regarded T. Subramanian Iyer (TS) as its finest young executives and promoted him to sales director for this new assignment. When offered the opportunity, TS was excited and looked forward for this new assignment and the new challenge. Top management was also confident about its decision of sending TS.

TS is a deeply religious man and had never went abroad. He and his family - wife and two children were exited of this opportunity. On arriving to US, the family’s excitement slowly turned into uneasiness.Adjustment to American life proved difficult. His wife was unhappy - and apprehensive of her children education - The public school where TS had enrolled his children had a substantial Hispanic population and the quality of education was not the same as their earlier school in India. Moreover TS & his wife were constantly worried that their children would eat non-vegetrian food at school - which was very much against their religious beliefs. She also found it difficult to run the household without her usual servants.

At work, TS found things to be very difficult. The absence of a personal secretary - cramped his style. He was angry that he had to do all travel arrangements, type his own letters etc. Moreover many of his customers expected him to have lunch with them at a steak house or at a BBQ place. TS being a religious man never ate meat - and desisted eating at places which served meat. The idea of eating beef appalled him. All this had a negative impact on his performance and the company was worried due to his failure to succeed.After 6-months, TS requested to be transferred back to India and was even willing to settle for his earlier role as sales manager - a demotion.

When I read this story, the first question that came to my mind was, “Why didn’t TS exercise his power of choice?” When he realized that if he did not speak up about which restaurant he and his customers would eat at, they would always choose a steakhouse, why didn’t he suggest a different one?

America, the US, is a land of choices. But if you don’t know that you have a right to exercise those choices, what good does it do? In an article I wrote recently for Prudential Relocation entitled “Acculturation: To Stress or Not to Stress” (http://www.presentationselect.com/prudential/archive/ref/mobility/AcnStrs.pdf), I wrote about the stress involved in relocating internationally. In the article, I talked about self-efficacy:


Self-efficacy is our belief in our personal ability to get things done. It’s how well we think we are capable of achieving results. If you believe you have the power to produce results, to make things happen, you are more likely to attempt the required action. In this way, the way you perceive your abilities can lead to lower anxiety, and therefore reduced stress reactions. Self-confidence can positively effect how we view our environment –safety, transportation, housing, social encounters, and all of the potential stressors mentioned above. It’s beliefs in our capabilities to exert some control over these potential threats, not the capabilities themselves that determine how we judge changes. With increased self-efficacy, you may judge the negativity of daily life events at a lower level and, therefore, imagine fewer problems. When you view yourself as positively being able to cope with the changes that come with international living, you will find the new environment less potentially hurtful. What was once deemed a fear of the unknown or discomfort with ambiguity has now turned into a feeling of adventure, challenge and fun.

Now, this isn’t to say that I am not understanding of someone who has difficulty expressing his or her personal choices when it’s obvious that the majority of the group wants a different choice. But, what I am saying is that there are ways to get around this awkwardness. One way is to lead the decision-making by being proactive. Use communication to gather everyone’s input and make a decision. If you cannot eat meat and would like to have your next business lunch at a restaurant that offers a variety of vegetarian dishes, send out an email the day before with a list of a few choices of restaurants that offer both meat and non-meat dishes. Gather your responses and make a decision that will satisfy everyone in the group. Maybe instead of a lunch meeting, the meeting could be held at a coffee shop or tea house.

Once you know that you have the power to affect the outcome, you can take control. This doesn’t mean you should decide for others without asking them, but you should anticipate the cultural issues and come up with some possible solutions.

Let’s return again the story above to deal with another issue TS and his family had difficulty dealing with: dissatisfaction with the education of their children at school. I am assuming that their children were attending a public school, not a private school. There are a variety of private schools in the US that offer a more challenging and comprehensive curriculum. International schools are one of them. TS and his family could have done a little research into local international schools and found that the class sizes are small and that most of the students are from other countries. These schools also used advanced curricula that challenge the current academic level of their students.

Finally, there is the issue of not having a personal secretary or a housekeeper. If these were necessities to TS and his family’s happiness, could he not have found a way to have them? Now I know it takes some tact when asking your home-based manager in India to provide you with a secretary, but if you make it clear that it is necessary to your effectiveness, then I believe you can successfully negotiate it. Once again, you can be proactive and initiate communication with your home country boss. In this case, you would need to use the style of communication that is most appropriate in your company and in Indian culture, but whatever that style may be, you can still offer some possible solutions that might relieve you of the everyday tasks. One solution could be to have a secretary from another department take on some of the tasks. Another solution might be to hire a part-time secretary. The point here is that there are always choices and in the US, if you wish to change an outcome, you need to suggest different choices.

Again, I believe that if you understand that, in the US, it is OK to exert your influence and communicate your desires, even if they are different from the cultural norm, you will find more satisfaction in your quality of life. Not only is it ‘okay’, it is required that international managers be proactive decision makers on all levels.

If you do what is within your personal power, and you still don’t have things the way you would like them, then you either need to accept the differences or leave. But I guarantee that over time, with even a few changes implemented, you will feel more comfortable in your new home…at least comfortable enough to stay.
Now, while your personal secretary is sending out emails with restaurant choices for your business lunch with customers, you don’t have to stress out -- you can rest easy!

American English Business Communication
My first question to you is this: What frustrates you about your work relationships with Americans? In other words, what makes you feel alienated or 'not part of the group'? Thank you in advance for your responses. Maria www.americanculturecoach.com

How Important is American English Business Communication?

Welcome! My name is Maria Sortino Gillette. I have created this blog to open a discussion about using American English for successful business communication with Americans. In order to be successful, we need to have good business relationships with people. But, as we also know, maintaining these relationships can be challenging, especially if English is not your first language and you did not grow up in the United States. You may wonder how you can better communicate with your American colleagues or partners. You may need to build your skills in language or communication, or both. You may also need to learn a little about American ways of business. What are some of your questions? I'm happy to answer them. I look forward to sharing ideas with you. Respectfully, Maria Sortino Gillette. And my website is www.americanculturecoach.com.